The Wisdom of Self-Control

By Bruce Finn

Our series is wisdom for life, based on the Old Testament book of Proverbs speaking about life. Last Sunday, my wife Debbie and I celebrated 51 years of our marriage. Yeah, that's a big number. I would introduce her, but she's downstairs serving in the nursery. But it's been an amazing ride with ups and downs and twists and turns, some hard times, some good times and all that. And there's one thing, after five decades of holy matrimony, one thing that has become crystal clear to both Debbie and me, Debbie and I are different. We are different in almost every way. Now, some of you may be familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Test, a test that analyzes personality in four distinct categories, according to Myers-Briggs. Debbie is an I and Isfj and I am an INTp. Each letter standing for some characteristic of our personality. Debbie is an I, an introvert. She is energized by solitude or alone time. I'm an introvert. I'm energized by social interaction. Debbie is sensory. Uh, she she's one of those people that needs to see it, to believe it. And I'm intuitive. I can see things with my mind's eye. Debbie relates more to feelings and I relate more to thoughts. And Debbie is a judge, seeing many things as either black or white. I'm a perceiver. I see many shades of gray. The point being that Debbie and I, in terms of our personality, are different in almost every possible way. And one of the ways that this these differences show up in our relationship is the way each of us deal with something new.

The Owner's Manual For Life

For example, Debbie got a new iPhone recently. And when the package arrived, she took the box. She opened it carefully. She took out all the parts and laid them out on a table in front of her. In a very orderly fashion. Very, very Debbie like. And then before she did anything else, she found the owner's instructions. She read through them carefully, following them one meticulous step after the other. It was very methodical, but if it was my iPhone, I would have grabbed the box, ripped it open, pulled out the phone, turned it on, and began to play with it, trying to figure it out on my own. In the middle of that, the owner's instructions would be tossed aside. Something might be lost or broken, but I would discover how to use the phone by trial and error. But get this the Bible is the owner's manual for life. God is the designer, the creator, the maker, the manufacturer of human life and human relationships. God is the one who gives our life purpose and meaning, design and direction. And he has given us a unique book, a special, precious book, a collection of writings which together explain how the various parts of life fit together and function in the best, most maximum possible way. And this owner's manual should not be tossed aside, just carelessly tossed aside as we tinker with our own life, risking breakage, breakage, or loss, but rather the owner owner's manual should be handled in a more Debbie like fashion. It should be read and reread carefully as it explains to us how we might enjoy all the benefits God has given us as he is our creator. Specifically, the Old Testament book of Proverbs, which we've been studying lately, provides us with God's wisdom for life. It is a book filled with short and pithy sayings that explain how we can make wise choices and right decisions in the middle of a world that is very chaotic, very complex. Right? We need help now. 

The Owner's Manual For Life

For example, Debbie got a new iPhone recently. And when the package arrived, she took the box. She opened it carefully. She took out all the parts and laid them out on a table in front of her. In a very orderly fashion. Very, very Debbie like. And then before she did anything else, she found the owner's instructions. She read through them carefully, following them one meticulous step after the other. It was very methodical, but if it was my iPhone, I would have grabbed the box, ripped it open, pulled out the phone, turned it on, and began to play with it, trying to figure it out on my own. In the middle of that, the owner's instructions would be tossed aside. Something might be lost or broken, but I would discover how to use the phone by trial and error. But get this the Bible is the owner's manual for life. God is the designer, the creator, the maker, the manufacturer of human life and human relationships. God is the one who gives our life purpose and meaning, design and direction. And he has given us a unique book, a special, precious book, a collection of writings which together explain how the various parts of life fit together and function in the best, most maximum possible way. And this owner's manual should not be tossed aside, just carelessly tossed aside as we tinker with our own life, risking breakage, breakage, or loss, but rather the owner owner's manual should be handled in a more Debbie like fashion. It should be read and reread carefully as it explains to us how we might enjoy all the benefits God has given us as he is our creator. Specifically, the Old Testament book of Proverbs, which we've been studying lately, provides us with God's wisdom for life. It is a book filled with short and pithy sayings that explain how we can make wise choices and right decisions in the middle of a world that is very chaotic, very complex. Right? We need help now. 

Self-Control and the Tongue

In recent weeks, we've been exploring a short list of character traits that the Proverbs recommend to us. Thus far, we've looked at the fear of the Lord and humility to marks of people who are seeking wisdom. Today, we'll explore the character trait of self-control or the God given ability to turn away from that which is evil, wrong, foolish, and instead choose what is wise best and good self control. Now, I'm guessing that there's not a person in this room this morning or watching online today that couldn't use a little more self-control in one area of life or the other. Since that that's the case. Let's take a look at what the Proverbs say about self-control. My message this morning is called The Anatomy of Self-control. I'm going to share with you three aspects of the human anatomy, which represent or symbolize an area of life that requires self-control. First, we'll look at the tongue and the need to control what we say. Second, we'll look at the heart and our need to control our passion or anger. And thirdly, we'll look at the stomach as it represents the need to control what we eat, drink or consume. So there's the anatomy of self-control. Pop quiz. Right? You got it. The tongue, the heart and the stomach. So let's first begin with what the Proverbs say about controlling your tongue. Now, when I was young, a young man, before he became a Christian, and honestly, a little bit after I had difficulty controlling my tongue, I was very sassy and disrespectful to my mother, to my teachers, to other people in authority. I was a frequent visitor to the principal's office. The monitors of detention hall knew me by my name. You get the point. And I remember on one particular day, when I was being especially careless about what I was saying, one of my teachers prophetically said to me, young man. One of these days, that tongue of yours is going to get you into big trouble. Well, she was right. I became a preacher. But more seriously, though, I didn't show it on the outside. I was actually fearful about what she was predicting in my life. My need to control my tongue was an acute expression of my need for salvation. Scripture warns us about controlling our tongue in three specific ways speaking to often, speaking too soon, and speaking too much. Let's break that down. Let's look at a few proverbs about speaking too often. Proverbs 13 three whoever guards his mouth preserves his life. He who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. Now, there are some rare situations when your words might actually cost you your life. Like when a thief is holding you at gunpoint, demanding that you turn over your purse or your wallet. In that case, wisdom advises you to shut up. Give it up and live to see another day. But there are more frequent situations when your words could cost you your dignity, could cost you your reputation, could cost you the peace of your marriage or family life. I couldn't help but think of the precarious question a wife might ask her husband. Honey, does this outfit make me look fat? The Bible says whoever guards his mouth preserves his life. Yeah. Good advice. Proverbs 1727. Whoever restrains his words has knowledge. And he who? He who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. This verse says that anyone who holds back their words much like a dam, would hold back. Floodwaters will be considered. A person with knowledge or wisdom, and a cool spirit might be compared to somebody with a hot spirit, somebody whose words are out of control. In this case, the Bible says to us, be cool by being quiet. Proverbs 1728. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise. When he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Do you want people to think you're smart? Be quiet. Be quiet. Don't talk too often. Next, the scriptures caution us about speaking too soon. Speaking too soon. Proverbs 2920. Do you see a man who is hasty in his words. There is more hope for a fool than him. Proverbs 1813. If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Hmm. One of the ways that I have been a frustration to my wife over the course of our 51 years of marriage, is that I have a tendency to interrupt her before she is finished speaking. In other words, instead of taking the time to fully hear her and make sure I understand her, I begin my answer because I think I already know what she's going to say. And the Bible tells me that when I do this, I am a fool, filled with folly and shame. Not good, not good. Here's what the New Testament book of James says, chapter one, verse 19. Let every person Sin. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. Quick to hear, slow to speak. A person, a wise person won't speak too soon. Thirdly, a wise person avoids speaking too much. And here I'm referring to gossip. The Bible has a lot to say about this. My definition of gossip. Gossip is spreading false, misleading, harmful or unconfirmed information about someone else to those who have no need to know it. There's a need to know. Proverbs 1113. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Here's Proverbs 1628 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates friends. Christians often use a sneaky approach to get the puck past the gossip goalie. It's called a prayer request. Hey, brother. Hey, sister. I've got something for you to pray about. Self-control means you don't speak too much. You control what you say to whom you say it. When you say it. From January 7th through January 25th, 2025, a series of 14 destructive wildfires afflicted the Los Angeles metropolitan area and San Diego, California San Diego County, California. These fires were exacerbated by near hurricane force Santa Ana winds, sometimes in excess of 100mph. 30 people lost their lives. More than 30 people, more than 200,000 people were forced from their homes to evacuate. The fires destroyed more than 18,000 homes and dwellings, and the fire burned more than 57,000 acres of precious property. The exact cause of the fires is unknown, but experts believe that the fires were caused by a single electrical spark or an ember from a firework. The Bible warns us that more destructive fires can be set by a single word that comes from our mouth. James three five. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. Self-control begins with the tongue. 

Self-Control and the Heart

The second part of our anatomy that symbolizes or represents the need for self-control is the heart. The need to control the heart. Specifically referring to passion or anger. Biblically speaking, the heart is more than just a vital organ that pumps blood to the rest of our circulatory system. As pastor Josh taught us just a few weeks ago, the heart represents our whole self, our our being in its entirety. It is the focal point of thoughts, of volition, of conscience, of emotion. Everything we think, everything we say, everything we do and decide flows from your heart. The Bible says Proverbs 423 above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. This includes anything you do out of rage or anger. Consider what these proverbs have to say about anger. Proverbs 1417. A man of quick temper acts foolishly. And a man of evil devices is hated. Proverbs 2911. A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. Proverbs 2922. A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. Proverbs 1429. Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. In and of itself anger is neutral. Anger. Anger is one of many emotions that God has given us as he created us in his image. The Bible says that God Himself gets angry at sin, at injustice at all unrighteousness. The Gospel of John chapter two tells us that Jesus himself got angry when he kicked the money changers and merchants out of the temple. He kicked them out. This story about Jesus is notable because of how rare it was for Jesus to express such passion, but he did. But it proves that anger in and of itself is not sinful or wrong. Rather, it is how and when and why you express anger that make the difference. So the Proverbs warn. Warn us against being quick tempered, giving full vent to your anger, stirring up strife and being emotionally hasty. The proverbs encourage us to quietly hold back anger and to be slow to anger. A wise person exercises self-control over his or her heart. 

Self-Control and the Stomach

Then there's this third part of the anatomy of self-control. It is controlling the stomach. What we eat, what we drink, what we consume. Here are some interesting warnings from the Proverbs. Proverbs 2117 whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man. He who loves wine and oil will not be rich. Proverbs 2320 and 21 do not be among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat. Now that's an interesting expression, right? Gluttonous eaters of meat. It sounds like me at a Brazilian barbecue. For the glutton or for the drunkard. And the glutton will come to poverty and slumber. will clothe them with rags. A few years ago, I led a small group from covenant on a mission trip to Harare, Zimbabwe. Before the revolution of 1964, Zimbabwe was called Rhodesia and it was known as the breadbasket of Africa. They were net producers and exporters of food throughout the continent. But what has happened since then is utterly tragic. Today. Largely because of bad government, poor resource management and political corruption, Zimbabwe competes for the unenviable title of poorest nation in the world. The people there suffer from unemployment, underemployment and food scarcity. Now, the focal point of our mission trip at that time were the 14 children who live at the Domboshava Children's Home, under the loving care of our friends Peter and Tsitsi Konitza. This home is situated outside of the centre of the city, in a poor township called Domboshava, a township that has more than its fair share of widows and orphans. Well, one day we decided to throw a party. Our team prepared and presented a carnival with games and contests and face painting and bounce houses the works, and we invited the community. More than 300 hungry children showed up, but we were prepared for them. Around midday, we invited the children under the shade of the church pavilion. We were amazed at how polite they were, how they followed instructions, and how they sat down in such an orderly fashion. Once they were all seated, we distributed the food and the drink. Each child received a sandwich, an apple, an orange, a banana, and a bottle of soda pop. Each child clapped their hands as a cultural symbol of saying thank you. And then they ate. None complained about the kind of sandwich they received. None complained about the flavor of soda they were given, and they ate everything, including the crust of the bread and some even eating the core of the apple. This was, for many of them, the largest meal they'd eaten in months, perhaps their entire lives. But it was there, in this place of desperate economic depression, we witnessed an extraordinary Ordinary display of gratitude and exceptional self-control among the children of Africa. What a lesson it was for all of us. Life in biblical times was more like the scarcity of Zimbabwe than the abundance of Bucks County. In ancient Israel, if you consumed all your food and drink at once, you might quite literally run out. As the proverb says, you will come to poverty, you will arrive at it. If the Proverbs were written today for modern day Bucks County and and Doylestown, the proverbs would warn us about eating too much, drinking too much, borrowing too much, spending too much over consumption. Obesity affects six out of ten adults in America, 1 in 5 children under 12. Credit. Credit card debt among Americans has reached a new record of 1.2 trillion. The average debt per person in America is now $6,000, and this, at a time when interest rates interest rates on credit cards, is 21%. And we don't have time to talk about the dangers of drug and alcohol addiction in America. The wisdom of biblical Proverbs has never been more relevant or necessary than it is today. This is the anatomy of self-control. The anatomy of self-control over our tongue, our heart, and our stomach. Admittedly, the Old Testament sets a high bar for the exercise of self-control among the people of God. And in the New Testament, that bar becomes even higher as Jesus Christ comes onto the scene as the most self-controlled person who ever lived. I mean, Jesus never spoke too much, too often or too soon. Jesus exercised complete control over his emotions and passions, and Jesus was disciplined about what he ate, what he drank, and what he consumed even after a 40 day fast. No one was ever like Jesus. So as we read the Owner's Manual of Life concerning the anatomy of self-control, we find that Jesus sets the bar at an impossibly high level. Who could attain it? We should ask? Who could ever live like that? Only Jesus. But before you get too discouraged, there is good news. We always have good news here for for you at covenant. There's good news here. God doesn't just demand and expect that we live a life of self-control after the example of Jesus. Rather, in Jesus, God gives us this life. He gives us this life. In John ten and verse ten, Jesus said, I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly. Jesus has come to give each of us that life. His life. Self control is in the package of gifts that God gives us by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, His Son, through the gospel. So before we close, let me quickly give you four ways that Jesus gifts us self-control. First, he models it. We've already seen how Jesus Exercises self-control over his passions and anger when he kicked the money changers and merchants out of the temple. This was like a controlled burn to contain a forest fire. Jesus was in complete command of his emotions as he expressed his displeasure against this misuse of a holy place. His anger was measured and on target. Jesus also modeled control of his tongue, never speaking too soon, too often, or too much, and Jesus was in complete command of his stomach. Sometimes fasting, sometimes feasting. Always doing what was right, best and good. He models it. So we might say that Jesus Christ lived the life that we failed to live, and he lived it for us. We often talk about how Jesus died for us. It's also true Jesus lived for us, that the life Jesus lived in complete conformity to the will of the father was a life. He lived for us and in our place, and he has come to give us that life. He models it. Secondly, he recommends it. We have seen how the proverbs are filled with wisdom and advice about how to live a life of self-control and with our tongue, our hearts, and our stomachs.

Jesus and Self-Control in the Life of a Beleiver

These passages of the Bible warn us against the consequences of a lack of self-control, and they encourage us by reminding us of the benefits of a life of self-control. And these are God's words. The word of God. They're given to us. We should be grateful for the clarity of Scripture about the life God has called us to live. And these words have power to change you, to shape you, to mold you, to make you more like Jesus all the time, especially when you commit them to memory. At the same time, these recommendations are a double edged sword. They cut both ways. First, they explain the standard of life to which God has called us. But at the same time, they remind us of how far short we have fallen. Romans 323 for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We have not, and we cannot live this life of self-control apart from the grace, mercy, and help of God. He recommends it. But then, thirdly, he pays for it. He pays for it. This morning we've examined these three parts of the human anatomy, as they symbolize an area of life that requires self-control. But there is no greater symbol of self-control in the Bible or anywhere than the symbol of the cross of Christ, because it was on the cross of Christ where Jesus completely submitted himself to the will of his father. Think of the self-control that was required for him to endure a punishment, and as an innocent person, a punishment that belonged to others. Think of the self-control and self-discipline that Jesus exercised as he endured the pain, the agony, the struggle, and the shame of the cross in our place. He pays for it. And because he paid for it, we're able to join the Apostle Paul when he declared in Galatians 220, I have been crucified with Christ. It's no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life that I now live in the flesh. I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. He paid for it. And then, fourthly, he empowers it. Galatians 522 says that self-control is among the fruit of the Holy Spirit, together with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. It's a fruit of the Holy Spirit. This means that for the Christian, self-control flows naturally out of a connection to the life of Jesus Christ. In this sense, self-control does not originate with ourselves. Self-control is rooted in spirit control. That is, a life that is lived in connection to and in dependence upon the power of the Holy Spirit of God. So one final illustration. In high school I was a pole vaulter. I think we have a picture. That's me a couple years ago. I liked the idea of flying through the air and landing in a soft foam cushion, especially when my teammates were running laps around the track. In my day, I cleared 12ft, six inches. Not bad for that time and the equipment we were given to use, but it was far, far, far from a world record. In case you're interested, the world record today in pole vaulting is held by Armand Duplantis of Sweden, who cleared 16ft, seven inches. But there's something interesting. If a pole vaulter tries to break the world record but has the wind at his back, a wind in excess of 4.5mph. The attempt and the record don't count. In other words, the standard cannot be set as long as you have the wind at your back. Well, the Christian life is the opposite. For a Christian to meet the high standard of self-control that is modeled by Jesus, recommended by the proverbs paid for by the cross. You must have the assistance of the wind. You must have the wind, the breath, the help of the Holy Spirit behind you, pushing you up, forward and over. Without the spirit, don't even try it. The challenge of today's message, then, is this. Choose an area of the human anatomy that represents your greatest need for self-control. Today, the invitation of today's message is this set your back with the wind and enjoy the help of the Holy Spirit. Without him, you'll fall short. With the spirit, you can fly. Let us pray. Almighty God. As we've considered your wisdom for life, we receive the teaching of Your Word today and pray that you would impress upon our mind and heart our greatest need, only that we would present that need to you, the one who meets our needs in Jesus. And by Your Holy Spirit be with us. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.